PARENTING: Dads, when was the last time you…

Dads, when was the last time you…
Posted on November 13, 2012  in Blog, Parenting

…put your arm around your pre-teen or teenage son and talked to him about sex?  When was the first time you did?  Has there been a first?
Have you warned him about the utter depravity and devastation of pornography lately?
Have you assured him that sex was God’s idea, that it’s beautiful and wonderful, so long as it’s experienced within the God-given confines, marriage?
If you haven’t, you really should.  Here’s an illustration from Byron Yawn’s book What Every Man Wishes His Father Had Told Him:
Usually dads spend more time teaching their sons about how to ride a bike than they do about the most intimate physical/spiritual relationship they’ll every experience.  Seriously.  When I taught my sons how to ride a bike, I was careful.  Helmets.  Pads.  Planned the route.  Due to the potential dangers, I ran beside them for miles until they found their balance.
We do not take our son to the tallest hill we can find, perched just above a busy intersection, then stand downhill next to a stop sign, and yell, “Start pedalling, Johnny!  Remember to stop!”  That would be stupid.  We’d be reported to child protection services.  Yet when it comes to sex, something that has a similar potential for destruction, this is exactly what we do.  “Good luck, son!  Hope you get the hang of it.”  Eventually he takes a header into the oncoming traffic of the culture.  The negligence here is mind boggling.
Depending on how old your son(s) may be, and what you have or haven’t spoken to him about, that may sting a little.  Yeah, it may be in your face a bit, but men sometimes need that.  And while we’re at it, let’s just rip the band aid off nice and quick.  It’s the best way.  Here’s some more from Pastor Yawn (it’s his real name, honest):
Face it – there are certain awkward conversations that have to take place.  If we care at all, we’ll swallow our pride and have them.  Up first – the legendary anatomy and physiology lecture.  Innocence lost.  Your son never looks at females the same.  Then – if you’re courageous enough – there’s the masturbation speech.  “We need to talk.”  Your son loses consciousness from embarrassment.  Then there’s the highly specialized conversation prior to the honeymoon night.  “It’s not like you’ve seen on TV.  Lower your expectations.  Don’t be a Sasquatch.”  Your son (and daugther-in-law) will thank you for this one.
But these are merely individual – generally helpful – speeches.  The sum of these patented lectures isn’t the same as guiding your son through the minefield of sexuality.  If the above conversations are the extent of the counsel you’ve provided, your son is in trouble.  It’s about as much as he could hope to find in a biology class or men’s locker room.  There’s so much more to the subject than physiology.  Which brings me to the answer I now have cued up.
It’s not one conversation.  It’s multiple conversations.  And it’s not only about sex.  It’s about the truths that make sex make sense – God, creation, Christ, the gospel, and the purpose for marriage.  It’s countless conversations about life lived in light of the cross and how God intended life to be.  How Christianity – rooted in the gospel – makes everything clear, even sex.  It’s the truth about the culture’s definition and estimation of sex – which is among the biggest deceptions of all time.  It’s the presentation of a biblical worldview, which includes a proper understanding of sex.
If you don’t have those conversations with him, his friends will.  Movies will.  TV shows will.  Websites will.  The world will.  Satan will gladly fill the void and gleefully continue the gross perversion of one of God’s great gifts.  Dads, will you risk some embarrassment and love your son and his potential future wife and children enough to talk with him about sex?  He really wants to know about it (or he will someday soon).  God gave him the desire.  God made him to be attracted to women.  He needs to know it’s normal. He needs to know it’s good.  He needs to know the world has no idea about sex as it is supposed to be.  So, will you tell him and teach him and come alongside him?  Maybe you need to start by asking him to forgive you for not bringing it up sooner…
And here’s a free take home: guys talk better side by side than face to face (don’t try this with daughters).  When guys don’t have to look at you in the eye they open up more.  Here are some suggestions (I’m sure you can figure out what’s best for your son): go to the driving range.  Hang some dry wall.  Watch a hockey game beside him on the couch.  Pick up an xbox controller and let him destroy you at a video game as you talk to him about sex.  Sit in the car across the street from an adult video store, wait until someone goes in, and ask  (make sure you ask) your son why and how he thinks that person ended up there, of all places.
That’s a little much, you say?  Dads have been doing it for centuries:
The lips of an adulteress drip honey and smoother than oil is her speech; but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.  Her feet go down to death, her steps lay hold of Sheol.  She does not ponder the path of life; her ways are unstable, she does not know it.  Now then, my sons, listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth.  Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house – Proverbs 5:3-8
At the window of my house I looked out through my lattice, and I saw among the naive, and discerned among the youths a young man lacking sense, passing through the street near her corner; and he takes the way to her house, in the twilight, in the evening, in the middle of the night and in the darkness. – Proverbs 7:6-9
Picture credit: Michelle Meiklejohn,; Arvind Balaraman,

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